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i haven't touched the stuff in awhile. all i have left is a bottle of coffee liqueur i'm saving for our three-month, which i am dreading on the grounds of superstition. when i was still in catholic school i remember sitting in that stupid counselor's office. every counselor was female and pregnant and i confused them. i would pull up my wrinkled blue sleeves mechanically for wrist checks and stare up through the skylight. contemplating what i learned in my religion class. one and one and one is one. is god. she'd scribble her initials on the pass to send me back to class and as i dragged my stupid yellow shoes back to wherever desperately wishing that i believed in god, that i was blind enough to believe in that fucking equation, the way two and two make five in 1984. one and one and one is god, father son holy spirit, but i learned the hard way that in actuality one and one and one is nothing. nothing at all. we didn't deserve any of it.
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