I had so many things to say and not enough words to say them with would you be alright if I told you I wanted to kiss someone else

are you alright?

I had to sit there and watch you cross-legged on my bed breathing all thick and soggy. and your hands you ruined your hair you stuck your fingers all in it and you were pulling it out and shaking

&I was so mad. I was so mad. I couldn't do anything I grabbed your wrists but you pushed back &I fell on the ground.

I was so mad.

So I put on my boxing gloves &started hitting the walls and you got scared &you looked up at me &said you didn't understand so I ripped up everything and you started wailing &I could have sworn it was yesterday.

Yeah you were smashing shit &I went in the bathroom with a piece of glass and I don't know why you looked so surprised when I came back in I mean shit. I was clean I wiped the blood off.

&then you cried.

So I climbed into bed with you and put my arm over your waist until you stopped sobbing &then you put on a movie that we didn't watch

end of discussion.

And then you asked, "Was that a fight?"

&I said. I don't know.

Afterthought.

Everything is. Everyone is.

"My adorable Fred:
..he's so, so sweet,
From the crown of his head
..To the soles of his feet.
.. He's my meat."

I'm reading The Wanting Seed by Antony Burgess &I think you should too. OK?