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completely naked and bleeding from both arms i closed my eyes "you're not my responsibility." then i opened them and said it again "you fucking selfish bitch," she screamed out loud i got dressed for bed "do you want help?" i asked absently, not facing her "fuck you," then, "yes" she put on her bathrobe and ran outside taking the knife with her i sat on the bed, my head in my hands smelling the dirt under my nails the blood smelled like pennies a mouthful of copper the police came and she wasn't making sense just rocking back and forth, mumbling they cuffed her and threw her in the ambulance while the female cop took my statement she turned before they took her away said fuck you and spit in the hospital they fed her valium diagnosed her with multiple personality disorder told her she tried to kill me and then released her she walked the ten miles down the 101 in hospital scrubs and when she saw my face we started crying her mom drove down to california to help she's just a country girl a farm girl from oregon ten miles from the methamphetamine capital of the world i tried to do the right thing i moved half of my things and slept in an empty room on the second floor policemen knocking to see how i am they tell me i did the right thing i didn't mean for her to go there to that place i went when i was fifteen and heartbroken, the doctors and the tubes and grim faces and you are just another sad girl with clotted bloody arms, two phone calls pills and tap water my friends say i was wrong and i feel wrong and lonely i've been drinking for thirty one days today is a new day day thirty two and smiling straight girls want to kiss me and i don't want to talk
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