|
i'm going to smoke a lot in spain because there isn't much to eat, so for breakfast i'll have to knock out a few cloves after my large wholesome small glass of tea. lunch is a small sandwich, dinner is an entree and fruit. but when i return i'm going to cut back on smoking, maybe to one every couple of days, or maybe just on weekends like i used to. the hardest part i'm going to change is the drinking. i'm not going to drink in spain. i've already made arrangements with ms. rivers that she is not to let me sit at the bar or buy any alcohol on the trip. also, when i come back, i'm going to sign up for AA meetings. i'm getting drunk with fran on thursday, and i guess that'll be the last of it for awhile. being suspended is weird. i wake up around 8:30, work around the house, get drunk, and go to sleep. it hasn't quite hit me that emily has been expelled. first i lose one best friend, lauren, then another close friend, peter, and now emily. if anything, i'm taking it as a wake up call. before i leave for spain, i'm going to be updating asthma with some poems, ditties, prose, etc that i've done over the past year. it's mostly just shit about lauren, but i was reading all my old notebooks the other night and some of it is vaguely interesting. i was really, really fucking sad. i might post some of the crazy pictures i was drawing as well. at least i can look back on that time and not be as bitter as i used to be. go me. i feel ok right now. jack said that my life lacks purpose, and that i should find one. i'm still reading frederico garcia lorca. i'm considering picking up das energi again, now that i've gotten it back from lauren. she left a small note in the front. that was considerate, i guess. i'm hoping to meet some brave spanish boy named tzisko or antonio or miguel or something like that, and discuss politics over coffee. hopefully i'll be updating from spain, as the country is littered with small, cheap, internet cafes. franco gave me ten euro to buy him cigarettes. i used to really like him. i'm such an idiot. i called him last night when i was drunk and made an ass of myself. this has turned into rambling. sorry.
|