today we've been together two months. i first fell in love with you sometime in february.
you were wearing your green jacket and you
were just standing in a doorway. that's all.
you were coming out of a room that i was
going into and we switched places and i
smelled you and you looked at me funny
and i felt filthy because i try so hard
not to look at straight girls like that. two days later we got drunk and
i kissed you in your living room and pulled away and took the bus home.
you came to see me at work and bought a lollipop. you looked so pretty
in your pea coat and your dark hair
in your face. i followed you outside and kissed you against the wall.
i went home with you and we laid in your
bed making out and laughing nervously. you closed the door and you said if your
mom came home and saw it would confuse her
more than it confused you. you'd never
been with a girl before, you were
still in love with this really attractive
boy whose picture you were painting in the
corner of your room. you kissed me
in front of everyone anyway. i asked you
out on 2 march.
mostly we lay in bed or do drugs. three weeks
ago we did amphetamines at lunchtime and
we were high for thirtyfive hours or so. at first i felt uncomfortable but then
i opened my eyes and everything was so bright
and everything made sense. i hit peak as i moved to kiss you and i felt like
everything was so loud around us, like we were seceding from the universe into space and it was just you and i
like we became one person. i opened my mouth and my mouth said,
two people one being
and you laughed and started crying and stopped crying and repeated what i said
that you felt that we were connected by
long strings and that you loved me.
we couldn't sit still, we smoked all
of our cigarettes and i believed in god
for roughly four and a half hours. we didn't
sleep at all. i stared at my ceiling quietly the whole night and
text messaged you.

then a week later we got stoned and had sex. then a few days later we did vicodin and walked a lot and had sex. then your mom went to oregon and we stole her car and drove up and down almaden expressway for a week. then we took painkillers two days in a row and stared at each other for a few minutes. then we got drunk and i fucked you on the couch. then i fucked you on the bed. then i fucked you on the floor. then i stayed home and did homework while you got stoned with jen and macy.

you told me you're in love with me eight times. i told you i was in love with you six times. today you closed your eyes
and said that nothing matters. it's
no use. it has to end when we go away
to college. you're going to uc santa cruz
and i'm going to humboldt state. i wrote
you half of a song called "don't
fear the reaper" and recorded it
on your cell phone. you gave
me a cigarette and i smoked it. i didn't
want to kiss you but i did. you asked if
we can still have sex when we come home
for holiday breaks. i said yeah, okay.