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still drunk, my hands aching, my fingers don't work and i don't remember why last night the show got cancelled so we got drunk the three of us, the way we do every night swerving back onto the 101 somehow we made it to a beach he ran off somewhere towards the water while i picked her up her legs wrapped around my waist tasting chapstick on her mouth, she's laughing and i put her down and we scream the words to the song we always sing, the only song i can ever remember when i've been drinking my guitar's in the trunk but i don't need it, we're like broken records, lord knows i'm weak, lord knows i'm weak, lord knows i'm weak, he says don't got no quarrels with god but i do i want to know why he made me this way i don't deserve anything i have or the one thing that i want i don't remember driving back all of a sudden i'm laying in her bed and she's on top of him in the other bed, giggling and kissing him they're talking about mexico puerto vallarta, cancun, acapulco and all i can remember is the shitty border towns, my grandma speaking gutter spanish and driving me around in a '87 honda accord brown women selling gum for pennies and they're going on about cheap tequila in the bars she's running her hands in his hair and i'm so fucking angry, my eyes rolling back in my skull clenching every fucking muscle in my body i'm on a three week drinking streak and i haven't told either of them the way i feel, i keep putting it off until the morning when every day i climb into her bed and she lays her head on my chest for awhile, until the night when i hand all the money my mother puts in my bank account to boys with fake IDs, who fuck the girls i kiss i get up and leave, i say goodnight like a sarcastic asshole where are you-- he starts to say but i slam the door and beat my hands against the concrete i guess that's why my hands hurt i fucking love you, i say weakly falling to my knees, my forehead against the wall then i gag up some bile and as it dribbles down my chin it tastes like rum and coke and mickey's and her a forty ounce to freedom
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