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i wish i could remember more
whatever she did to me, the things she said, the way
she said them, they way i let myself
believe in bullshit, told her
everything was fine
when nothing was fine
for a really long time
the war, whatever it was, i lost,
whatever, told her fuck you
and she said fuck you too
and i burned all her shit and
she probably just threw away mine

so i went and did what she did
to some girls, i was used so i abused,
fucked up so i fucked over
and when i said fuck you
they called me an asshole
and that was pure and real validation,
cut out, another girl, another guy
to lose out to, the war, whatever,
until this one girl that i really,
really wanted and then i had her,
and then i didn't, i forgot that
girls aren't things and
i'm not a fucking machine, a fucked up
reaction to a fifteen year old girl
who just didn't fucking want me
anymore and this girl, the one that
wants me, she's coming on the
greyhound bus, gunna be here in
two hours and i'm gunna try again because

everything that's ever happened to me
was good for me,
every time i drank my mom's tequila
and passed out crying on my bedroom floor
was great,
every time i left a girl in tears because i didn't wanna deal
was fine,
every time i got too drunk to talk and fucked the wrong people just to get back at someone who never thinks about me
was perfection,

i'm gunna meet the girl i love at the bus station in an hour and a half
and i'm going to finally be okay
and i forgive you even though i know you're not sorry
because that war is fucking over.