manipulative
adj : skillful in influencing or controlling others to your own advantage; "the early manipulative techniques of a three-year-old"
you were never direct
or constant--
i never bought that star shit
--sometimes it's hard to look at you
left eyebrow raised,
too much eyeliner
doped up on happy pills
and sometimes
i wish i didn't love you
tomorrow i will give you manifesto
it's an easier read than all my small books
i hope it makes you cry
and i hope i can understand
something of yours as well.
i am sorry i tried to kill myself.
i am sorry that i asked you out.
i am sorry that i am an alcoholic. (you might as well know.)
i am sorry that i ever thought that we would actually last.
i am sorry for hating you.
i am sorry for loving you.
i am sorry that i am still very bitter.
i am sorry that you take pills.
i am sorry that you could not handle my feelings more maturely.
i am sorry for ever kissing you with my eyes closed so tight.
i am sorry for every time i have hurt you, and every time i will hurt you in the future.
i am sorry that you have done more damage to me than anyone ever has, and probably anyone ever will.
i am sorry that because of you i cannot maintain relationships.
i am sorry that every girl becomes you in one way or another.
i am sorry for the price i paid for just loving you.
i am sorry that i still cut once a week on my left thigh.
i am sorry that the letter L is scarred into my chest, over my heart.
i am sorry that our friendship is strained, and that we feign enthusiasm upon seeing or hearing from each other.
i am sorry that it is difficult to converse with you.
i am sorry that you do not appreciate the small things anymore.
i am sorry that you are a completely different person than i fell in love with two and one half years ago.
i am sorry that i have become so distant and angry in less than one year.
i am sorry for the things i say about you in therapy.
i am sorry for the suicide note i wrote for you on sunday.
i am sorry that years from now, when we don't know each other anymore, i will stand on the coast of north carolina without you.
i am sorry about tomorrow.
