sometimes i wish i was depressed again so i could lose some fucking weight my life is ironic that way, when I'm heavier i have way more sex than i do when I'm thin. so i guess it doesn't matter. i went to pride on sunday in san francisco and it was beautiful. it didn't hurt that i was very very drunk and ate half of every hash cookie that came my way, but it was still beautiful. she told me she'd be there at one at two-thirty she called and there she was biting her nails at the jose cuervo booth god she looked hot. her skimpy ocean blue top and tight dark jeans and ray bans and that funny bird tattoo she got in upstate new york when she was eighteen twenty minutes later she's buying me a drink, some smirnoff shit and we haven't really said hello yet do you wanna go meet my ex-girlfriend at fulton and mcallister yeah, but i'm gunna kiss you first her mouth was a combination of watermelon vodka and lip gloss and her tongue was soft and warm and i felt myself getting drunk as she slid her hands along my back and bit my neck next i'm dancing with gay men in the middle of the street and eating their cookies and drinking their beer and kissing their mouths and smoking their marlboros when i want her parliament lights which burn quickly but smell like soft sex in a big green bed like my stupid fingers struggling in her long hair and now i'm studying the veins in her hands which look like my mother's i look up at her and she says that my freckles are like hers and i touch her like i know what i'm doing and she whispers hot into my ear that i'm making her sort of wet and i ask her where the nearest motel is and she counts her money and it's not enough and i have to go home anyway so we make our final rounds she introduces me to her ex-girlfriends and then we make out in front of them because we're stupid dykes but she makes me feel selfless and renewed idealistic and everything my mother told me not to be but i'm not scared she doesn't mind the rise in my brown belly or the dead muscle in my yellowed thighs and i don't mind her farmers tan i think that jesus would have wanted me to feel this way because he loves me and not my sweaty pretty sins
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