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going to carissa's. sam, fran carissa, emily, me. it's awkward sort of. walking to the light rail station. just missing the train. getting a mexican man to buy us smirnoff green apple twist. missing another train. finally catching the next one and getting off at san pedro square. carissa cradling the vodka &calling it her baby. first one to the tree gets to drink first. i win and take three hard gulps. it's a fucked rotation, but sam and i get the most. walking down san carlos. by the time we get to the anti-bush rally at the convention center we're all smashed. we talk to some people while sam runs around the news vans and slur to them that bush is a fucking bastard, kucinich is a hot motherfucker. they agree &give fran a sticker. she puts it on her ass. continuing to walk. at mcdonald's i fall over &when i get up i kiss carissa on the lips. she pretends not to like it. i think we get a happy meal. bums asking us if we want company. no thank you. jaywalking to cafecito. sitting out front making a scene. pulling carissa into me, running my hands up her shirt, kissing her neck drunkenly, trying to make out with her. her, halfheartedly resisting for emily's sake. fran getting up. walking over. grabbing my face. shoving her tongue down my throat. hello. it feels good. francesca is the best kisser i've ever kissed. carissa getting jealous and leading me to the bathroom. sliding my hand under her skirt until the door opens. it's emily &kelsey. kissing kelsey but getting pulled off by em and carissa. back outside. one of the most attractive boys in existence. he's wearing a yellow trucker hat that says FREAK on it. his name is stuart, he is tall and thin and beautiful. fran &i kissing, trying to shock him. him, laughing, he's gay. so are we. melt. going inside to hear stuart freestyle, &an asian boy's spoken word. it's fucking good. kissing fran hard and often in between poems. she's aggressive and i like it. her hands on my thighs, my body screaming in bloodbeat her name, in pulse francesca francesca francesca. outside again. two boys approaching. one is my ex-boyfriend from freshman year. robert. he's so handsome and dark now and his friend, offering four different names, curses me for hurting him. robert smiling quietly at our red drunk faces. we're all smoking, except for em and carissa as usual. feeling sexy holding fran's cigarette extender. sam using it to smoke pot. kelsey &emily making out in the alleyway. the cops driving up and harassing them. freaking the fuck out. thanking god, satan, whoever, that they're picking on the only sober people here. carissa sitting on my lap, kissing robert and telling me i smell real good. this strange bum appearing. we share our cigarettes &he's kind of strangely handsome. his name is josh and he looks older than my dad but i ask him how old he is, he thinks for a minute and says 30. he mostly staring into space, us occasionally asking questions for poetic and drunk purposes &he offering only beautiful mumbled answers. me forgetting to ask about his mother. walking to pizza my heart, finding the cops that thought em and kelsey were stoned, discussing abortion with robert everyone coming down now spending the night at fran's house, em carissa and sam in the bed and me and fran on the floor. crawling onto fran, making out to the yeah yeah yeahs. in the awkward morning, still blown away by everything walking to savemart enjoying several morning cigarettes, krispey kremes and black cherry savemart cola. popping up the collar of my jean jacket wearing dirty pants and no bra; feeling like a boy or a goddam feminist, coming home &explaining away the marks on my neck.
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